Of Vortexes, Healing & Self Reinvention

Oh, to be in the flow and riding the crest of a wave. 

To leap with faith, and have no qualms about leaving your old self behind. To be blessed enough to have glimpsed the heavenly, and still get to shuffle the deck and play more earthly hands... in new casinos, with new friends.  Standing on your riverboat and sailing upstream, you can almost believe that you've lost those hellhounds that were on your trail.

Hahahah.

"WTF is this guy on about?"  you may be thinking. 

I won't be elucidating the matter, because I would rather speak to you directly about healing.  I will refrain from apologizing for my utter lack of blogging for over a year.  I may never add another post here... I may take the entire thing down... or I may begin to use it as intended. 

Whatever the case may be, whatever the future holds for me... one thing is clear: Everything is constantly reinventing itself.

I encourage you to embrace this.  Take time to enjoy and truly appreciate what your life has to offer. 

Visit your local National Parks. 

Do a few of those things you've been meaning to do, but always find good excuses not to... really.  Your life is not so towering of an edifice that you couldn't shake the Etch-A-Sketch, and start over at any time.  Take yourself seriously, but not overly so... because even if your life were utter perfection and bliss, you could still improve upon it in time.

Truthfully, are your digs as fly as you'd hoped they'd be?  Are your friends as awesome as you deserve them to be?  Are you being inspired often enough?  How often have you laughed out loud without being told a joke?

You have probably been settling for so long, dusting your worthless tchotchkes, and playing at being responsible... that you've grown moss.  No offense.  This is true of nearly everyone.

Don't be everyone.

Healing is not a return to an old state of health... but rather a reinventing of your current broken state into a new person who is no longer broken.  There is no going back. 

Reinvent yourself.

Now.  Don't put it off. 

Carve a better version of yourself from the raw, primordial ore of your being.  Chisel away all the dross and roughness to reveal the only real art you can make and ever truly own... yourself. 

You didn't dream of becoming this version of you when you were a kid.  Somewhere along the way, you accumulated trauma, disappointments, and misfortunes enough to cause you to let go of your dreams.  You learned that it was hard enough to get by, let alone shoot for the stars. 

You were wrong. 

Shooting for the stars is the easiest and most natural thing to do.  Living a life of "quiet desperation" and forcing yourself to get out of bed to put out fires all day... knowing that there will still be more fires to put out the next day... this is hard. 

You may have become good at it.  You may be a virtuoso at tidying up the cheap garbage around you and putting on a brave, if not smiling, face.  But none of that shit matters.  It is just putting your fingers in a failing dam that holds back enough regret to wash away the Netherlands.

Think about how you became who you are.  Think about all the juvenile posturing you adopted from other clueless kids trying to be cool.  Think about how you shaped your likes and dislikes to fit in with a crowd of people who you couldn't give two shits in hell about now. 

And yet you strive on in that mold.  Plodding forward monotonously towards some vision of adulthood that you never seem to reach... wondering why it is that everyone else seems to have grown up, but you just keep playing at being stoic and authoritative.  Hoping, beyond hope, that no one around you notices that you have no idea what the hell you are doing, or why.

You can't know. 

Because you are not doing anything.  You are reacting to the cues and prods from your family, your neighborhood, and your society.  You are attempting to live up to expectations.

Doing, on the other hand, is inherently creative.  It comes from the inside and propels you outward.  It takes you away from the staid and sordid little compromise riddled life you think you must protect at any cost.  Doing is proactive.  What nearly everyone is up to is called dealing.

Stop it.

Trust me... you won't win any brownie points at the Pearly Gates for such behavior.

Walk a more challenging path. Try a few things and allow yourself to fail.  You can't even imagine who the best version of yourself is because you don't know what is possible.

Do things that seem difficult, because the "easy" shit is already as hard as hell.  Literally.

I'm not a mason but I resonate with this saying... my skill is rather high at this point.  In fact, I am very happy to become less skilled at this point.  Heheehh. 

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

I intend to live like I am on permanent vacation.  Like life is a giant wellness spa, and my only duty is to be more healthy than I was the day before.

Some would say I have already been living this fantasy for decades...

Some also don't know what a great vacation is.  (hint: it is not staying at a motel or visiting the in-laws)

This post may not vibe with you right now.  In fact, you may find it pompous and downright condescending.  If you felt insulted by anything I said, I apologize.

But if you read this far, you probably know in your heart of hearts that I am right.  You need a change.  We all do... all the fucking time. 

Reinvent yourself.  It is fun.  You are not who everyone currently thinks you are. 

Put on a new costume and start living the dream.